First version compared to the final

I was talking with a friend and jokingly said i should post the first version of my book, just so people can see how it (and me) have grown. To my consternation he enthusiastically agreed.

So firstly, here is the link to my book’s webpage where you can download the first chapter 9or you can do the same from the Amazon Kindle site) – http://atsics.com/.

And now, here’s the original that I gave to a few friends to get their opinion on if I should write it:

Chapter 1
Even through the thick glass the noise overwhelmed him, only his determination allowed him to stand. The giant ship roared by, streaking down the launch ramp. “Fly fast, Luv.” He whispered under his breath – not that anyone even standing next to him could have heard anything. Barely had the first ship reached the end of the ski-jump when the second’s engines roared to life. “Shit, someone’s in a hurry.” He turned his back on the sight and went to the nearest data terminal. Immediately he saw the reason for the rush. Two unidentified blips closing at high speed from the south. “Shit, shit, shit! Why didn’t they allow me to install defences! They knew these idiots were whackos!” Logging into the control systems, he activated a set of systems that the leaders didn’t really know about. “Well,” he mumbled, “strictly speaking they ARE fire suppression systems, just not the kind of fire they thought.” “Good, they’re coming in low.” He set the systems for “last minute”.
He could hear the rumble of the approaching jets and switched on the external tracking cameras.
All he had to do was distract them. Sixty seconds more and the ships would be well away.
“Victor-Hotel, this is Alpha-Charlie-4, we confirm 1 valid launch, over.”
“Roger, Alpha-Charlie, ETA over?”
She glanced down at her tactical display and replied “90 seconds to the Centre”.
“Negative, Alpha-Charlie, time till launch window to intercept”.
She went cold. Glancing down she took longer than her training allowed, “38 seconds….. Mark, over. Second launch, repeat, confirming a second valid launch.”
“Authorisation, appearing on your tactical now, weapons hot, cleared to fire. Acknowledge Alpha-Charlie”
Silence.
“Alpha-Charlie-4, repeat, authorisation, appearing on your tactical now, weapons hot, cleared to fire. Acknowledge Alpha-Charlie
Silence.
“Alpha-Charlie-4, you are ordered to respond. Failure to respond will be considered treason, Alpha-Charlie-4.”
Silence.
Changing band, the controller contacts her wingman. “Alpha-Charlie-5, this is Victor-Hotel, do you copy, over?”
A coldness overtook him as he responded “Roger, Victor-Hotel, this is Alpha-Charlie-5, over.”
“Splash Alpha-Charlie-4, now, authorisation appearing on your screen now. Weapons hot, acknowledge.”
Fearing to glance down, he does anyway.
“Acknowledged, Victor-Hotel”
Knowing he will probably be facing court-martial he switches to inter-plane comms as he slows down the plane, “Mary, what are you doing! Respond! I’ve been ordered to bloody well shoot you down.”
“Do what you have to, Nick, I’m sorry this will all be on your conscience, I just couldn’t live with it on mine.”
“Alpha-Charlie-5, fire, I repeat, fire!”
By training alone, the finger flips the selection to air-to-air-thermal and presses “Pickle 1, pickle 2, over”
He sees two flashes from one of the jets.
“What! They’re too far away.”
4 seconds later the closer plane explodes in the air.
“It’s started. Damn them! Damn them all!”
“Alpha-Charlie-5, what is your status, over?”
Silence.
“Alpha-Charlie-5, repeat, what is your status, over?”
“Victor-Hotel, this is Alpha-Charlie-5, target neutralised, over.” He surprised himself with matching the tone of that soulless voice over the comms.
“Roger, Alpha-Charlie, ETA over?”
He glanced down at his tactical display and replied “8 seconds to launch for target 2. Mark, over. Target 1 18 seconds, mark.”
“Authorisation, appearing on your tactical now, weapons hot, cleared to fire. Acknowledge Alpha-Charlie”
Silence.
“Alpha-Charlie-5, repeat, authorisation, appearing on your tactical now, weapons hot, cleared to fire. Acknowledge Alpha-Charlie
“Acknowledged, Victor-Hotel”
“Alpha-Charlie-5, confirm only 2 valid lanches from facility, over”
“Confirmed, Victor-Hotel”.
“Damn this cold, emotionless voice!” he thought. “How could someone care so little for his fellow pilots?”

So, comments anyone?

Brett Bridger

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s