Found an old start to a story

Sorting out some old files and i came across an attempt at writing a horror story I did a year or so ago. What do people think? A friend of mine into horror said it was too ‘nice’.

Dying to Meet the In-Laws.
Toby didn’t really know what he was doing. Well, to be more specific, he didn’t know why he was doing what he was doing.
She was SO not his type. Not Mod, not Emo, not semi-gothic, but full on, pale skin, jet black hair, black lipstick, long velvet (black, of course) dress with long sleeves type Goth. The only thing missing was the tats. Thinking about it (he seemed to think of nothing else the last week except her), she could have a complete body tat and he’d never know, so fully did she cover up. He’d heard the rumours from the girls, she was supposed to have some med cert to excuse her from all physical activity. Even the other girls had never seen her even partly undressed. “What was it about her?” he asked himself again. He just had to look around him and see his ‘normal’ type, big, buxom, barely clothed, cheerleader types.
But he was captivated. Whenever she walked by, his eyes automatically followed her. He found himself making excuses to be where he knew she would be.
Joel slapped him on the back of the head and said, “Dude, wake up! She’s trouble man, don’t do it. You remember Frank Roche? The big footballer dude? Well word’s out he’s in hospital, tried to crack on to her and she snuffed him. So he apparently tried to get a little rough. Marylou was there and she was shaking just remembering, apparently she grabbed Frank by the arm and threw him against a wall. Broken face – dude, it’s supposed to be a real mess – cracked ribs and an arm that was barely still attached when the parra’s arrived.”
Toby barely heard a word. Just as she turned the corner to go into the library complex she turned, saw him and winked. Didn’t smile, didn’t seem to change her expression at all, just winked.
Once she was gone, he seemed to snap out of it. It was as though his mind was on hold when she was around. As soon as she was gone, it started to fast-forward the last few minutes. A couple of minutes late, his mind finally caught up with what Joel had been saying. Putting his hands on his hips, he turned to his friend Joel and said, “Come on, don’t believe all that crap you’re told. How could someone so thin and willowy toss 200 pounds of brainless muscle around? He probably tripped over something then tried to beat the ground into submission for tripping him up.”
Tony shook his head to clear it and said, “Come on, let’s go get a burger.”
“It’s started again”, she thought to herself. “It won’t be long until I have to move on again. Maybe I will have just enough time to get to know that boy, what was his name? Oh, yes, Toby. Tasty little Toby.” No one was round to notice the second smile she had ever had on her face since she arrived in town.
Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, Toby was tucking in to his second burger.
“Hey, dude!” joked Joel, “you preggers or somethin’? Man, you’ve been stowing it away the last week.”
Toby thought about it for a moment, actually he HAD been eating a lot more than usual the last week. Mentally shrugging it off, he joked back, “Yeah, twins!”
Behind his funny exterior, Joel was really worried about his friend. Maybe because he didn’t have all that many friends that he worried a lot, but Toby had sure been acting strangely the last week or so. Ever since he started going calf-eyed at that new girl, what’s her name? Yeah, Catharine, he’d been changing. Not in the normal way, he’d seen dudes fall in love, this was different. Like maybe he was on drugs or something.
Joel may act like a spaced out guy on campus, but actually he hated drugs. He’s older brother had OD’d on ‘harmless’ Ecstasy, leaving a hole in his heart that he’d never been able to fill.


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